Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
Put a letter from A-Z in my ask and I’ll tell you 1 thing I love which starts with that letter.
THIS IS CUTE PLEASE
I didn’t get any cake yesterday cause apparently my dad was still working on it.
He brought it to school today and I’m just-
is all of that
wtf i think your dad just defied the law of physics and pastries
Is ur dad cake boss
|friends:||no you're not|
|me:||I AM UGLY and that's a fact. guys don't add me on facebook and like my pictures, they don't ask for my number, i get 5 text a day, one from my dad, two from my mom, one from the phone company and another one from some girl in my class asking me if there's something for tomorrow. guys don't text me saying 'goodmorning beautiful' or just even saying 'hi whats up?' if i have any guy friends they're one maybe two. you guys DO get texts, boys flirt with you, you're always complaining about boys, when nobody ever calls me pretty. you guys get a compliment at least twice a day, boys play with your hair, kiss your cheek, hold you from behind, and i'm just there watching, and if any boy wants to talk to me it's because they want me to give them something, or to call me bad names. i don't have 120 likes on my profile picture, i'm scared of doing a party because i know i would't have any guy friends to invite. is it because i don't let anyone know me? NO, it's because i don't look good. why all the pretty girls out there are full of 'guy friends'? don't tell me because they're the best people ever because it ain't true. my teeth are not perfect, i don't like my smile, i'm insecure af, my eyes have nothing special, i don't even have the perfect body, so don't tell me i'm not ugly because i am.|
terms for penis you should not use in fics:
- love stick
- ding dong
- 100% all-beef thermometer
- bologna pony
- stinky pickle
- magic wand
- divine rod
- love muscle
- power drill
- captain winky
- yogurt slinger
- DNA rifle
are you kidding im going to use all of these
-intelligence (or lack of)
-skills (or lack of)
-friends (or lack of)
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